21 replies to this topic

[Jennina]

A Conversation Between Me and Pop Sensation Lindsay Lohan, In Which She Speaks In Song Titles From Her Latest Album
Source : www.mikeschramm.com

ME: Lindsay, how are you? I wanted to chat with you about something, if I could.
LINDSAY LOHAN: Speak.

ME: Of course, of course. You don’t have to be so pushy about it. Ever since that remake of The Parent Trap, I figured you were a pretty nice, head on shoulders kind of girl. But then, of course, the rumors started…
LINDSAY LOHAN: Rumors?

ME: Yeah, you know. That you’re a crazy drinker, that you’re hanging out with Colin Farrell, that you went to a clinic, that you were hooked up with Fez for a while.
LINDSAY LOHAN: Over!

ME: Oh, right, sure– that’s finished now. But still, you have to admit that you’ve got your issues. Which makes me wonder, Lindsay, why America seems to be so ga-ga over you. Just today, I was at work, and some woman saw you on the cover of Entertainment Weekly naked but for stockings, and she went crazy. She was fed up with you– she gestured wildly right at me, and yelled “She’s only 18!” as if I had put you on that cover myself, wanting to rip you from your innocent childhood.
LINDSAY LOHAN: Something I never had.

ME: Well, sure, that’s a factor– you never really did have a childhood. Maybe it’s because you were a child star that you seem so hooked on fame. What other reason do you have for going on SNL this past weekend just to remind everyone that your breasts are real, or mention in every interview you have that drinking illegally in clubs at 18 “isn’t a big deal.” Maybe you’re just a little out of touch.
LINDSAY LOHAN: Disconnected?

ME: Right, disconnected. But I think the truth is more complex than that, Lindsay. The truth is, America wants it both ways. That woman went crazy because she was outraged that you were being made a sex object even though you’re underage. But while I’m sure plenty of guys are attracted to you (no guy will ever call an 18 year old redhead unattractive), I’m not so sure that’s why you’re popular. “Mean Girls,” though smartly written, wasn’t exactly a guy’s kind of movie, nor was “Confessions of a Drama Queen.” And I highly doubt that many red-blooded straight males are out there picking up your album “Speak.”
LINDSAY LOHAN: Nobody ’til you.

ME: No, actually I didn’t buy it either, I just copied the song titles off of it. But my point, Lindsay, is that I think America wants it both ways. They want a hot sexy star to idolize and put in their movies and live it up like they can’t. And on the other hand, they also want to be shocked that you’re naked on magazine covers and gossip about your breasts and laugh at you in the tabloids.
LINDSAY LOHAN: Anything but me!

ME: No, Lindsay, they want to laugh at you. They want you to be better than them, and yet they want to feel better than you. And, while you or other stars your age may disagree, that’s too much pressure to put on anybody that young. That’s what will cause you to party all night after working all day, or show up in weird places talking about things you have no right to. Frankly, you’re being used, and because you get in all the clubs for free and you get paid plenty of money, you probably don’t even understand that that’s true. Of course, even if you figured it out, and decided to move in either direction– towards a Britney Spears kind of tabloid crazy, or a Mandy Moore kind of psuedo legitimacy, the public would realize that you’re not playing into their plan, and drop you off the magazine covers and charts. That won’t happen, will it, Lindsay? Because where have your parents and managers told you you want to be on the charts?
LINDSAY LOHAN: First.

ME: That’s right. They’ve made you do anything you can, just so they can be in the shadow of your fame, and yet you’re paying for America’s (and their) needs. It’s a shame, Lindsay, it really is, and I only hope that you make it out of there with your mind (and your dignity) intact.
LINDSAY LOHAN: The very last moment in time.

ME: Oh, do you have to go? What is it, the new Herbie the Love Bug movie? Ok, Lindsay, I’ll let you go. Just know that you’re being pulled in two different directions at once, and if you don’t settle down and get your head on straight, you’re going to end up in even more rehab. Stay cool, girl.

[DtheGreat]

haha funny but the very last moment in time is a hard one

[Lindsayismygurl]

thats funny! some of the stuff was really rude tho, like rehab. i mean, she wasnt even IN rehab. juss in the hospital for exhaustion. but anyway, neato!

[chaos_soldier]

yeah it was funny.

[NeilUK]

Here's one for the extra track...

ME: So Lindsay, I'd like to finish off with a quick fire questions list, just say the first thing that comes into your head... OK?

LL: OK

ME: Iron Fillings

LL: (looks blankly)

ME: How about North Pole

LL: Snow?

ME: Hmmm... Attraction

LL: Farrell?

ME: OK, a different tact... I'm gonna describe a word and then you say it... right?

LL: Grool!

ME: OK, two silibles, first goes before PIE, NUM and AZINE; the second comes after FISH, INTER and DRAG...

LL: Meat-on?

ME: Try again!

LL: Trombone?

ME: Again...

LL: Burp?

ME: Oh for Christ-sake Linds... MAGNET... It's MAGNET... can't you see... MAGNET

LL: Eh?

ME: Just say it Linds...

LL: What?

ME: Say it! MAGNET, MAGNET

LL: OK... Magnet... duh? Why didn't you just ask the question, what is the name of the extra on your album 'Speak'?

ME: OK, What is it?

LL: Magnet




Neil (UK)

[goibniu]

lol i like rnarmstrong's version tbh XD

still quite funny

[Wolverine1980]

Good stuff people. I haven't laughed that hard since I saw meet the Fockers. That movie is hilarious. Thanks for the "article", Jennina.

[BrunettesDoItBetter]

LeviEllis, on Jan 14 2005, 12:09 PM, said:

Good stuff people.  I haven't laughed that hard since I saw meet the Fockers.  That movie is hilarious.  Thanks for the "article", Jennina.

Indeed, thank you for that Jenn!

[TeenDramaQueen83]

i saw that in another linds forum a while ago, its was funny! lol

[gregair13]

haha good job jennina that took some good thought. i would like it more if you didnt have so many more posts that me. /jealous.

[cadyrocks]

you're so cool jenn!

[Wolverine1980]

cadyrocks, on Jan 17 2005, 05:22 AM, said:

  you're so cool jenn! 

You guys are giving Jenn more props than she deserves. Someone else made that up, she just posted it.

[PuRe_DrEaMz]

What a weird peice of writing... Weird, but surprisingly funny...

Not that what the "interviewer" wrote made any sense. It was pointless in my opinion...

[Jennina]

yeah, i just posted it ..

[Being loved Linsday..]

O..yeah..that`s very funny...i think..but it isn`t really...and it`s tooo bad...

Edited by Being loved Linsday.., February 25 2005, 7:26 PM.

[Jennahasmyheart]

Oh god that made me laugh so hard, which if you read my blog you know I shouldn't be doing

[NeilUK]

I'd just like to say that my Magnet post was 100% original and made up by me:) Inspired by Jennina's awesome post...

Neil (UK)

[Linds_Fan]

good stuff guys ...

[Aotearoa]

lol that's really funny

[Lohan_rox]

good on you Neil! lol lindsays comes across as a lil dumber than she realli is though, but it was funny i love them thnx for posting.