last night

Last night i came home from a hard nights work. When goin to my room the tv was on and i seen for the 1st Lindsay video confession of a broken heart, i cried! Wow how that song just hit me. That is my life to a T. Realizing how bad it hurt me when my dad lefted me and my mom. All the nights i sat up hearing them fight and my dad always telling my mom youll never get her.Hearing her hit the floor cause he pushed her or hearing a smack across the face. Oh how that song just hit me. althrought high school even middle school i never got to see my dad. Birthdays, holdiday was never the same. I always wanted to know if he really loved me. i would get a card on my bday and sometimes on holidays, but just a couple years past cards stoped comeing no phone calls. I was thinking to myself does he love me. After 4 years past i went to call him! Ring ring my heart was betting fast he picks up " hello this is me dad i just wanted to talk" "hi why are you calling me are you pregenat or need money i dont need you i have started my own family" Deep breaths I was trying to tell myself. why would he say something like tha? does he not love me? i dont know? well it came to my last year into school i wanted him to come see me graduat. send him something in the mail he calls and tells me that he will be there. ok he still loves me. he comes hugs me and gives me kisses. oh i feel like i have a hole heart now. i see him for about a year then it comes to were he dont want me around. i have two younger sisters. he shows love to them why cant he do that with me? seen then i havnt seen him for about a year now. what should i do? or does he still even love me? if you can help please feel free to